Thursday, April 4, 2013

Being a Girl Sucks! ...and Other Wicked Important Thoughts, Comments and Concerns

Okay, so at one point or another every girl has complained that it’s not fair boys can pee standing up. That’s not entirely true, we can pee standing up, but I wouldn’t recommend it because our aim sucks!  
Here's something stupid: Apparently enough girls have whined or someone is really trying to be inventive;
Yeah, like I'm going to carry one of these in my purse? And when is it exactly that we would need to be using one of these?

Here's another girl complaint: Boys get to take their shirts off! Guess what? Where I live in New York it is not illegal to go topless, but I have yet to see women walking around with their boobies hanging out. Could you imagine trying to hold a conversation with someone out in public, without a shirt on? I think what we should be complaining about is that we're stuck with boobies!

Speaking of wardrobes: What’s with the famous store rules: “No shirt, No shoes, No Service?” Are pants optional? I think I’m going to test this theory while grocery shopping at Wal-Mart tomorrow.

Here's one that gets me: Do girls not have the same digestive systems as guys? If a guy farts, it's a guy, no big deal, especially if it doesn't peel the wallpapers and sometimes it even gets him a laugh. If I've gotta fart, I'm expected to hold it in until my face turns green and I have stomach cramps equivalent to labor pains. Should I let one go; people drop to their knees and start reciting Hail Mary.

As long as we're on the topic of "dirty girls": Why is it that men go into the bathroom, touch their peckers and come back out and resume their conversations? Women go into the bathroom, don't touch their tacos but if we don't wash our hands, we're gross? Um, I touched cotton while I was in the bathroom, what were you touching? What really annoys me: When someone else is in the public bathroom with me and I actually have to wash my hands for show. It's almost funny when you come out of your stall, the coast is clear, you start heading for the door and BAM!! another woman appears! "Shit, now I've gotta wash my hands"!

This just in: Breaking News:
Cop gets blow job from prostitute before arresting her in a sting operation. I’m so touched by the extent that law enforcement is willing to risk their lives to protect and serve! Thank you for keeping our streets safe!

No comments:

Post a Comment