Monday, April 15, 2013

Girls... Our Dirty Little Secrets!

Recently a very good friend of mine asked why girls wear thongs:

I briefly explained this to him but realized that it must be a question of so many and it I feel it is my duty as a girl, to end the pondering.

Consider the choices...

Boy Shorts
Boy Shorts - Sure, who doesn't like a little butt cheek hangin' out, it's cute and sexy. These are only good for the bedroom or running around the house, but they are not good with pants on. These are worse than regular underwear because you're guaranteed to have you ass hanging out rather than the 50/50 chance you have in the "traditional" underwear. 

Granny Panties - This is about the most flattering pair of "granny panties" I could find. I'm sorry, not lace nor satin is going to make these sexy.  I don't care what is hiding behind these things, it should stay there. There is nothing about these that say "take me now". In fact I think they scream "If you couldn't tell by my granny panties, I so am not scrumping you on this date!" When a girl wears these it is how she deals with self-control... I will not have unpredicted sex if I'm wearing unattractive underwear. Me, personally, I'll take my chances with having unpredicted sex before I would subject myself to wearing these things. The only time I owned briefs was in elementary school and that's only because my parent's were buying my clothes. These things are horrible and they are great for wedgies. Sure, if you never bend, take a step or cough, you're cheeks might stay in them, but if you are not a vegetable and have any mobility, you're sure to be picking underwear from your ass all day!

Clamando - Derived from the word Commando, is the absence of undwear for the ladies. Unless you are a Hollywood Ho in a dress, waiting to give the paparazzi their clam shot getting out of a car, clamando isn't the best option. When wearing a skirt or a dress it is almost impossible to make it through the day without flipping someone the clam and what does that really say about you? When wearing pants or any bottoms with a seam... well all I have to say is, why do you think the yeast infection cream is such a lucrative business?

Thongs - It really comes down to laziness. Little girls grow up wearing briefs and spend a good majority of their days sticking their fingers in the ass to pull out wedgies. Who wants to do that all day, and God forbid you do it when someone's looking and "where are your manners?" Once you get used to the feeling of some material planted in your crack and you know it's there to stay, you forget about it.

Don't let women fool you that their thongs are "accidentally hanging out of their pants... not true! Why do you think we color coordinate our thongs and our shirts? That's right, because we want to match. We want you to see our thongs... just to get an idea of what you're missing.

Bras - Don't even get me started on bras, they should be called LIES. I can't imagine what it must be like for a guy to see a girl with big ol' perky boobies and get all kinds of excited to tap that and then when the time comes to fromp around and the bra comes off "What the hell is that?" The go every which direction but up or they don't even exist. Why do you think bras come with padding and wires?


  1. This was freaking hilarious...and really helped me understand things a lot better...poor women.

  2. Oh Michael, I'm sorry to leave you hanging sugar bear... I didn't think anyone actually came here; sadly, other than you... nobody does! Ha ha ha.. maybe it'd help if I wrote something! Yes, poor women is right, but at least we can sympathize with you guys and those tighty whities you wear :D